“I know you are but what am I?” Morrigan taunted, completely childish and petty, but their tail was sore and their legs were all scratched up by sea urchin caltrops so they thought it was all justified, if they were being honest. They relaxed as Blue Raspberry let go of their tail, flicking the appendage behind them experimentally to make sure that everything was in working order. “Ah, it is no worries friends. The pain nearly caught me off guard, is all.” They waved a dismissive hand. Truth be told, it had hurt like a bitch, but Morrigan didn’t exactly want to give the knight a bad impression of themselves. Blue Raspberry, for all their oddities, was a useful and powerful ally to have.

They turned their back to Blue Raspberry to face fish chick when something cool and sticky hit their back. “Ack-!” Morrigan was flung forwards a couple feet, and now they smelled faintly of raspberries for some reason, but at least they were healed. They bit their lip to avoid lecturing the knight on the folly of ruining their nice clothes, considering they were already drenched from the flood - and at the very least, their injuries were healed. “Thank you, friend. For saving me from getting swept away from the current and for healing my injuries.”

They rolled their eyes at the fish chick accusing them. “I didn’t even do any of this! I was merely trying to help you, it is not my fault that you seem to have some bias against my kind. How would you feel if I told you that I don’t trust triton because they have gills? Dipshit.” They huffed, crossing their arms while the water drained around them.

“And for your information, I didn’t do this, which is what I was trying to say from the very beginning. But now thanks to your epic magical mishaps, we have nothing to prove our innocence.”

A thought occurred to them. If there was no more evidence damning them, and no more crime scene, didn’t that mean that they could all just… leave? If there was no more crime then there was nothing left to implicate them…

Morrigan glanced back at the guards, thoughtful.

"Oh, blindin' someone is real helpful. Thanks sooooo much." If Morrigan was fishing for an apology or acknowledgement that she did anything wrong and they were just some innocent bystander, Tsarra wasn't biting. Morrigan's attitude wasn't helping, not that it wasn't justified.

Tsarra huffs again. "It ain't a bias if ye proved yerself ta be a silver-tongued cheat. Don't think for a second I forgot how ye charmed that guard back there. Keep yer magical drug flowers away far away from me."

She has half a mind to swat Morrigan up the head, but decides against it since that would mean getting closer to the snarky fellblood. Who knew what other tricks he had hiding up his sleeves.

"Well, ye clearly did somethin' otherwise why would the guard be haulin' ye around?"

It was simple logic. She was a criminal and understood that. You do something illegal, guards show up, simple.

She looks over at the knight again. He seemed far less sleazy and more sensible than Morrigan. He also had some sort of authority yet wasn't arresting them, so that must mean that they're fine and there would be no repercussions of their actions. She perks up at the mention of the crabs in Sol City. 

"Aye, I know 'bout them crabs. This real big giant crab bastard was after me and my friend's heads and brought a whole wave of 'em into the capital. Bloody crustacean wanted revenge after we staged a mutiny with his first mate. Swell girl, too bad the bastard ended up sinking the ship when he found out he'd been back stabbed. Tell ye what those, sure made that Hearth Day memorable."

If she wasn't in such a sour mood from the fellblood's 'helping' she would laugh at recounting the ridiculous situation she was definitely mainly responsible for causing. Much like this situation. She was good at causing situations. 

"Name's Tsarra." She takes Wolfe's hand and gives a strong handshake. "Why do they call ye wolf? Ye don't look like a mangey dog ta me."

Blue just stood there awkwardly, not really knowing how to try to diffuse the arguing and mutual dislike between the Triton and the Fellblood. They were both being pretty petty and childish. It was honestly a weird experience for the ooze to be the most mature person there. Even when they were with Astrid, a literal child, they weren't usually the most mature person. Mature-looking, sure. But their apparent age and their actual age were incredibly different.

"Oh, uh, I mean. It's just my name, isn't it?" Blue said with a shrug. There was a bit of a story behind their name. Them coming up with it with Astrid, them basing it on them being in the form of a wolf when the two first met, them coming up with it because people kept saying their real name was weird, but they probably shouldn't say all of that. What would be the point of making up a new name if they just told everyone their real one? Apparently people were usually just given their name by someone when they were born. Blue guessed that was kind of what happened to them, too. Being called Blue Raspberry was practically the very first thing they can remember.

"Thanks? You don't look like a mangey dog either. Nice to meet you."

Blue looked around. It was true. All the painting on the wall had been washed away. Barely anything was left of it all. Maybe the guards would accept that as a reason to let them go? Looking around at all the damage also caused by the flood made that doubtful. Blue Raspberry would just have to do something drastic: think!

"Hm. Welp, let's look for clues then! We should probably look somewhere less wet. Let's go... this way!" Blue started to walk down the alley, hoping they could find something to help them investigate elsewhere. Hopefully, Morrigan and Tsarra would get along enough to help. Smart stuff like investigating was not Blue's strong suit.

Oh, Morrigan really did not like this lady. “It was not my intent to blind you.” They sniffed. “I did not realize that belligerent tritonfolk were allergic to fun and whimsy.” And a lot of airborne diseases that often accompanied others inhaling Morrigan’s alchemical glitter, though they didn’t think enough about the consequences of throwing around their product so recklessly.

“And good, because I only give bouquets to people I want to be friends with, anyways.” A blatant lie, but they were petty enough to go there. Not that the tritonfolk wanted to be their friend, but they hoped it at least stung a little that they wouldn’t even consider the proposition of friendship with her. “And I was only arrested because I, a good, responsible, tax-paying citizen of Zeinav,” All more blatant lies, “Happened to be in the wrong place in the wrong time. Besides, following that logic, you’re just as guilty as me, or else why would the guards be hauling you around, too? Check and mate.”

They looked insufferably smug about that point while Blue Raspberry introduced themselves, using that same name they had earlier for some reason - Wolfe. And apparently the fish chick’s name was Tsarra, and she’d apparently caused some sort of… crab apocalypse in Sol City, though Morrigan couldn’t even bring themselves to respect the hustle when they were too busy being upset at her for flooding the street and getting their clothes all wet.

And their tail was still sore!

“Yes, please. Can we just agree that I am right and we need to go find some scrap of evidence that proves our innocence?” Assuming there even is any left went unsaid.

Of course, by now, they were still contemplating just covering themselves in their silk shawl and turning into a frog so they could just hop away and get out of this mess, but then… Blue Raspberry would be the one to take the punishment for it. And Morrigan couldn’t bear to get that dopey face and hopelessly naive, friendly guy arrested. If scamming Cantio Von Lumen was like kicking a little pomeranian pup, then getting Blue Raspberry in trouble felt like upsetting a golden retriever… a blue one.

Morrigan pulled an elixir from their bag, a resigned look on their face. Given that neither of their companions seemed especially adept at solving mysteries, it somehow fell on Morrigan’s shoulders to play detective here.

Gods help them all.

They downed their sight-enhancing potion like a shot, blinking as they adjusted to their sensitive vision.^[1] “Yes, evidence and such. I’m sure there’s still a piece of graffiti that wasn’t wiped away in the flood. What kind of artist doesn’t sign their work? If we can find something with a name - anything - then we can shift suspicion off of ourselves.” Yes, that seemed like a sound plan.

Morrigan was nailing this!

---

1. Eagle's Sight Potion

Tsarra shrugs. “I dunno. I didn’t give ye that name. I could give ye another one though, if ye want.” She gives Wolfe a quick look over as she thinks for probably not enough time to actually come up with anything good. “Ye look like aaaaa Jeff ta me.”

She gives Morrigan an annoyed look. This circus clown never shut their trap did they? No wonder they got on the wrong side of the guards being as annoying as they are.

“They were haulin’ me ‘round ‘cause I punched an asshole. Wanna be the next?” She rolls up her sleeves and takes a step towards the fellblood with the intention of making them see stars.

She stops when Wolfe brings up the looking for evidence thing again. Gods these people were insistent. “Ugh, fine. I’ll help ye find this evidence whatsitwhosit.”

Scowling at Morrigan, she picks up one of the spiny urchins and pelts them with it. “Yer full o’ glittery shit. Why don’t ye just save us all the trouble and turn yerself in for this.”

It’s not a real suggestion, she already can tell Morrigan isn’t the type to even take responsibility for the things they were guilty of. Too much pride or stupidity. Or both. Tsarra would know. She has the same personality flaw. They had a lot in common, all things considered. Too bad they got off on the wrong foot, or maybe they would have actually gotten along.

Scouring the area, the water sure did not help in preserving the crime scene. It did however, push some of the street debris up against the building walls where it collected into little piles. Tsarra kicks at the piles to see if there's anything of value in the pile, not really looking specifically for evidence since she has no idea what evidence to even be looking for in the first place. She was more hoping to find some precious jewelry that got swept away in the chaos. 

Hm. Admitting they hadn't intended to blind Tsarra was probably as close to an apology as Morrigan was going to get. Good job. Ah, never mind. Now they accused Tsarra of being guilty of whatever the guards were hauling her around for. Alright. Blue was starting to get a bit nervous. The ooze had stepped in to try and save these two from being thrown in jail, and it felt like they were both doing their best to be thrown in jail anyways and take the ooze knight with them.

"Hey, let's not punch each other or throw any more things at each other! There's gotta be some evidence left somewhere, right? Let's just go find it." Blue tried to do their best impression of Cantio soothing Astrid when she was upset about something, stepping between the two and putting a hand on one of their shoulders for a moment.

They looked at Tsarra and tilted their head in confusion. "A Jeff...? What's a Jeff? Do I really look like one?" Blue asked before reaching up and pulling off their helmet. They'd never heard of a Jeff before. Was it some kind of animal?

With Tsarra kicking some debris around, something caught the light suddenly. A dagger with an ornate handle wrapped in fabric. It was faded thanks to the sudden washing provided by the flooding, but there was still unmistakably some staining on the fabric from something. Something red.

“Yes, yes, listen to the wise knight! No punching, especially in the face region!” Morrigan frantically waved their hands in the air, not in any particular hurry to receive a triton fist to their money-maker. They talked big game, but the truth was that Morrigan would probably crumple at the slightest hint of physical confrontation. Sure, they’d done some training with Fish to get better with a blade as of late. But that didn’t mean they wanted to get attacked by crazy Tsarra fish lady! “Truce, truce! We need to make the investigation our priority.”

They all split up and set off through the streets, but thanks to Tsarra’s monumental blunder that was in no way Morrigan’s fault, they would have to comb through the remains with extra-fine detail. A monumental task for a shit of a charlatan, a jellyfish-for-brains, and an ooze that honestly looked like he was just happy to be part of the team. They were combing through stuff when Tsarra pelted them in the back with a sea urchin, and Morrigan yelped in pain, whirling around.

“How many times do I have to tell you, I didn’t do this!” They huffed, half-hearted, before turning back to the task at hand, rifling through the junk that had been washed into piles in the same manner as Tsarra, taking particular interest in the jewelry and sparkly things. Okay, primarily the sparkly things.

Yeah, alright, they were mostly filching jewelry.

But it was with a purpose! What if one of these necklaces or bracelets belonged to the perpetrator? Morrigan was just doing their due diligence, really.

They had already filched a stray earring and a couple of different bracelets by the time they realized that Blue Raspberry had found something. They straightened, making their way towards the knight, a coy smile on their face.

“Watcha got there, Wolfe? Er, Jeff?” Whatever his name really was? It looked like a blade… with a bit of red on the hilt. The sight jogged something in Morrigan’s memory. Wasn’t there that criminal group in Zeinav that people had been whispering about lately? The red… something? Morrigan had heard about them in passing, spoken in hushed whispers in marketplaces. But because Morrigan didn’t really care about the comings and goings of other criminals, they didn’t really know that much about the gang.

“What was that terrorist group called again? The red… it was a bodypart, I think.” They tapped at their chin in thought. “Oh! That was it! The red foot!”

That was absolutely, definitely not it.

"Jeff's a dude, ye look like a dude, so yer Jeff now." The explanation was not a very good one.

She narrows her eyes at Morrigan. She still didn't trust him not to pull some sort of trick. He was definitely a crook. A crook knows a crook after all. But maybe they could work together, if only long enough to get the guards to back off without a fight. Though she didn't see the problem with just brawling it out. "Aye. A truce, for now."

Ignoring Morrigan's yelps and complaints, she keeps pocketing little trinkets she finds in the debris before she errantly uncovers the blade for Wolfe. She glances over her shoulder at the knight and the blade. Huh, that was different from the trash and the shinies. Then Morrigan opens his trap again. She rolls her eyes at him. 

"The fabric ain't red, ye dolt. It's blood stained, like my coat, see?" She shows off the old blood stains smattered all over her weathered leather coat. Clearly she had either gotten hurt a fair amount, or had hurt a number of people in the past. Ah, the life of a pirate. 

"Also, the rebels 'ere are the Scorched Ones. Ran a few jobs for them 'ere and there." She waves her hand dismissively like that wasn't a huge deal or problematic thing to admit to. "They're real stiff and troublesome ta work with. Though lots of shady folk are all like that. The old crew I used to pal around with did some business with this one fellblood jerk who was just a constant pain the neck to work with. Use discretion this, use discretion that. We're professionals dammit, don't tell us how ta do our jobs." She throws her hands up in annoyance, just thinking about the fellblood's dumb arrogant smirk made her blood boil. 

"Oh, a dude, okay." Blue replied cheerfully, but internally was still just as confused. Her answer had just raised further questions. What's a dude? Did they really look like a dude? They'd ask Astrid later.

At least for now, they were just glad to see Tsarra and Morrigan kind of somewhat get along well enough to work together until this situation was resolved.

Blue reached down into the trash and picked out the dagger that had been uncovered by Tsarra, looking it over. Morrigan was immediately all over the item, so Blue handed it over to the Fellblood. Tsarra and Morrigan knew a lot more than the ooze about it. The Red Foot, or the Scorched Ones, whichever organization this dagger had belonged to, it looked like it had been bloodied a lot before it was discarded, or maybe lost. It was hard to tell exactly how it had ended up in the street litter where it was.

Wait. Use discretion? That sounded oddly familiar. And it had been a Fellblood that said it? That was even more familiar! Blue felt like they'd been in that exact situation before. When had that been? Not that long ago was it? Blue put their fists on their hips and tried to think. Darn their ooze brain (or lack of brain) and it's bad memory. They glanced at the slime-soaked Morrigan for a moment as they tried to remember and something suddenly clicked.

"Oh! Mister Zarius!" Blue happily announced, clanging their fist into their palm as they finally remembered.

Morrigan handed the blade over to the others and crossed their arms dismissively while Tsarra spoke. “I know what blood is.” They sniffed, their face flushing an even darker purple at the mention of the Scorched ones. Oh yeah… that was the name. “Yes, those people. They’re drags, if you ask me… no elegance or finesse to anything they do. If this is their idea of a work of art then I hate to see what their idea of terrorism is.” Never mind the fact that the knife was indicative that a darker, more sinister crime had taken place here than just vandalism.

Morrigan abandoned that train of thought, though, in favor of listening to Tsarra complain about past jobs she’d worked. Working with a crew sounded honestly exhausting, especially considering it led to interactions like the ones that she was describing. Pompous Fellblood… wait. That sounded familiar.

Only when Blue Raspberry - uh, Jeff - exclaimed the name out loud with a smile on their face did Morrigan realize who Tsarra was talking about. They pursed their lips, immediately resembling someone who’d just swallowed a particularly sour lemon. “Oh, yes… him.”

Spoken with the same tone one might say ‘that motherfucker’.

“He does walk around with an air of superiority, does he not? A sort of ‘I do things my way because I know better than you’ attitude.” Morrigan scoffed, unable to pass up the opportunity to complain. Though if they had an ounce of self-awareness they would have realized that the reasons that they hated Zarius were the same reasons other hated them. “Did you know he shot me once? For absolutely no reason, unprompted, I might add!”

With a toy arrow. After Morrigan shot it at him first. But those details weren’t important.

“Oh! Violence!” Morrigan snapped their fingers together, pointing at the dagger. “The Scorched ones left in a hurry, fast enough to leave behind their murder weapon. Who’s to say that they didn’t leave behind the body as well?” A body that would be difficult to hide and chock-full of incriminating evidence, if they were lucky.

"AYE! THAT ASSHOLE!" Tsarra points at Wolfe in affirmation that the fellblood she spoke ill of was indeed the very same one Wolfe knew. 

She then looks at Morrigan. "Ye know the bastard too?" The scamster didn't talk too highly of the shady fellblood and for a moment she forgets that she even had a problem with them as well. "Aye, that's exactly it! He prances around like he owns the place. He fuckin' sent me and this shorty on a wild goose chase and we nearly got eaten by zombie cultists." She throws her hands up before resting them back on her hips. 

She scoffs at Morrigan's claim, not doubting him but more in a 'of course that jerk did' kind of way. "That doesn't surprise me, yer kinda annoyin' and he's an ass." And she goes right back to insulting the enchanter before the pieces start to click together in Morrigan's head. 

"Hm...ye know what they say about rememberin' stuff. Ye gotta retrace yer steps. So what if we recreate what happened? Maybe then we'll know where that body is!"

That...logic, if you can even call it that, hardly seemed like it would work. None of them actually did this crime, so retracing their steps wouldn't be possible. Someone could explain that to the triton, but she is already taking the knife from Wolfe and psyching herself up to act things out...with Morrigan as the poor sap of a victim. 

"Alright, I'll be the stabber, ye be the stabbee," she instructs to Morrigan before looking at Wolfe.

"Uuuuuh, what would you be? Ye wanna be..." she looks around their surroundings and sees a big pickling barrel that's turned over on its side. "Oh! Ye can be that barrel! Yer armor is kinda barrel shaped." It was a good thing Astrid wasn't here or else the triton would have been turned into a flat fish. 

"Ye stand there an' I'll pretend ta come up and gut ye." She explains to Morrigan as she gets absorbed in this silly idea of hers to solve this crime...or just have an excuse to actually stab him, it's not quite clear. 

While she's distracted by this whole 'act', there is something odd about that barrel that she pointed out, but she didn't notice it herself. The barrel is sitting heavy in the mud from the flood, but the water puddling under it has an odd red tinge to it that is just faintly noticeable upon closer inspection. 

If anyone could understand Tsarra's illogical logic, it was the incredibly illogical ooze. They nodded along, seeing absolutely no problems with her horrible plan. It sounded perfect to them!

"Sure, the barrel! You got it. I'll be a great barrel!" Blue nodded, giving a small salute to Tsarra and walking over to the barrel she had pointed out. They didn't even notice the blood around it. They were going to become this barrel perfectly, the best way they knew how. First, they'd just need to know its exact shape and the best way to do that was to absorb it, adding it to their oddly catalogue-like knowledge of everything inside them.

They placed a hand on either side of the barrel, and blue ooze flowed out from the gaps int heir gauntlets and around the barrel. When it reached a small bunghole in the side though, something odd happened.

"What the hell- help! What is this!?" A voice started shouting out from within the barrel accompanied by pounding on the wood and shaking. The blue goo retracted back into the knight's hands as they stared at the barrel in confusion. Someone was inside the barrel!

Blue pulled the barrel up, into its upright position and heard a yelp from within and a thud. Blue pulled the lid off the top and looked inside to see a man cowering within, looking up at them in fear. He was draped in black robes and holding his left hand tightly as blood dripped from a gash on his palm.

"Hey, you!" Blue started in an authoritative tone. The man tensed. He'd obviously been caught red handed, quite literally. "I can't become this barrel with you in it!" Blue finished, the man's fear turning into pure confusion, his mouth hanging open.

“Oi, I’ll have you know I am perfectly pleasant and plenty of people enjoy my company!” Morrigan retorted, unable to stop themselves from getting in the last word. But Tsarra had already moved to her own plan - one which, unfortunately, made perfect sense to Morrigan. If they wanted to figure out where a criminal might leave behind clues, they had to get into the killer’s mindset. “That makes sense. Alright, give me the knife and I’ll be the Scorched One…”

But Tsarra was already grabbing the knife from Blue Raspberry.

“Wait. You want me to be the victim? This face doesn’t look good playing dead.” Morrigan waved their hands, frantically attempting to backtrack this plan, waving their hands in the air. Tsarra didn’t seem especially fond of them, and Morrigan didn’t want to be on the receiving end of yet another stabbing. “I think I would look much more dashing as a murderer, don’t you think? Why don’t you give me the knife and I’ll be the stabber…” They chuckled nervously, but Tsarra didn’t look like her opinion was going to be changed anytime soon. She directed Blue Raspberry to be the barrel - in their nerves staring at the blade in that psycho fish’s hand, they missed the red tint of blood staining the mud.

Blue Raspberry have a dutiful salute to Tsarra before making their way to the barrel. Morrigan moved to the spot Tsarra directed them, rings clicking together while they twiddled their thumbs, forcing a grin on their face. “Just as long as you’re not going to actually stab me, Miss Tsarra…” They laughed again, trailing off in her grim silence. “… You’re not actually going to stab me, right? Right? Please say something.”

The alarmed shout from the barrel where Blue Raspberry had opened it could not have come at a more serendipitous time. Morrigan immediately darted from their spot over to where Blue Raspberry had found someone shoved inside - a survivor! As they forced a calm smile on their face, Morrigan was internally celebrating. Oh thank the gods, thank the gods, thank the gods…

“Excellent investigative work, Wolfe!” Morrigan forced bravado into their voice, clapping the knight on the shoulder. “You’ve found the actual stabbing victim in this case!”

They peered over the side of the barrel, smiling widely at the robed victim inside, still clutching to his injured hand, staring at the two of them with utter confusion and bewilderment.

“Hail and well met, my friend!” Morrigan greeted jovially. “Why, this is a fortunate circumstance indeed! My companions and I were just re-enacting the circumstances of your vicious and bloody attack… would you be a doll and get out of the barrel so you can play the part of the victim for us?”

The man gave Morrigan a pained look that said he wished he’d died from that stab wound in that moment.

Tsarra gives Morrigan a menacing grin as she twirls the blade in her hand. "No, of course not."

Before she can enact her plan though, Wolfe uncovers yet another clue. Wow, he was really good at this detective thing!

The triton woman slips the blade into her belt for the moment and follows the purple fellblood over to the barrel. The guy inside was absolutely pathetic looking, soaked and glancing about all nervous like. 

She narrows her eyes when Morrigan refers to them as the stabbing victim. Tsarra might not be the most insightful, but something smelled awfully fishy here and it wasn't her. 

Why would a stabbing victim hide themselves in a barrel and not make a peep until now? If the attacker was hiding a body from the authorities, they would have at least nailed the barrel back shut. She glances down at the lid of the barrel that has holes and a few bent ones still sticking out of it as if it had been previously pried open hastily, and not with the proper tool like a crowbar. Nah, this looked like a haphazard slip job, and judging by the slash-- not a puncture-- on the man's hand, it was a pretty sloppy slip. 

"Aye, real fortunate, why don't ye tumble on outta there an' tell us all about how ye ended up with that cut and trapped in a barrel?" She circles around and kicks over the barrel, spilling the guy out of it and onto the ground in front of Wolfe and Morrigan. 

"Oof!" The man exclaims before looking up at the pair wide eyed. "U-uh, thank the gods! You've rescued me! Thank you brave heroes." He pushes himself up out of the mud, still clutching the wound on his hand. "If you hadn't come around just in time I may have bled out! Thank you. I must hurry and see a healer though."

Tsarra raises a brow and puts her hands on her hips before giving the pair a look like this guy is so full of shit.

Finally, the guy was out of the barrel and now they could make some real progress with this investigation! And Blue knew exactly how. They grabbed the now empty barrel and went back to work coating it in blue slime and then retracting the slime back into their gauntlets, as if the barrel wasn't within anymore. With the barrel consumed, they could do what Tsarra had asked and transform into the barrel.

As Blue was about to transform though, there were some sudden voices coming from down the alleyway.

"Well, what the hell is going on here? Who's this?" The guard they'd spoken to at the beginning of this whole mess asked, walking toward them and looking at the man on the ground. He had one eyebrow raised in a look of surprise. Did these people actually find the real perpetrator? These idiots?

"We got reports of some sudden flooding in this area right after we left and came back. So, is this him? You actually caught the criminal?" He asked, motioning toward the man who looked even more frightened now that the guards were here.

Blue suddenly had a look of realization and exclaimed. "OHHHHHHH, it was him! That's why he was hiding in the barrel!"