Fighter's Guild
IS OFFLINE
20
Renown
Crescent Isles
"I only bite if you want me to, dear"
793 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Sylvari Dawnsage on Sept 15, 2023 11:52:52 GMT -5
Sylvari bit her lip while looking at the more senior adventurer, contemplating her response. I can't tell him the truth; how would I even explain it to him?
Sylvari had actually thought long and hard about her barriers to progress, but identifying obstacles and being unable or unwilling to remove them didn't do much to help in breaking the limitations. She could tell Gerhart of the fact that she was losing grip, little by little, on the tactical mindset of her people, a technique that had been both formative in her understanding of combat as well as her greatest asset when things went wrong. She could tell him that lack of a training partner, as she had every day when she was home, had dulled her combat reflexes and set her into bad habits that she couldn't shake. There was also the fact that she hated the monster she was and was petrified of giving in to any of the power it provided for fear that it would overtake her. In the end, she settled to speak half-truths veiled in mystery and hoped it would be enough for Gerhart to divine an answer from.
"I'm-I'm not the person I once was. I'm losing my grip on the training that started my journey, and I can never go back to the masters that taught me. I have new power begging to be unleashed, but I know that every gift comes with a price. I don't know if progress is worth the cost."
|
|
The Expedition
IS OFFLINE
33
Renown
Moonglade
an good boi
786 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Ser Gerhart Stanislav on Sept 15, 2023 18:58:43 GMT -5
"That's not necessarily a bad thing, being a different person and all....Improving kinda means you're not that same person anyways. Progress isn't really linear or anything, but small changes build up into big ones." He smiles, but the corners pull a little downwards as she mentions a price.
He couldn't judge her too much for bargaining with beings, he played host to a celestial after all, but he wasn't ignorant to the signs on her. Gerhart couldn't confirm anything out right, but there were a few small and subtle differences that can pique interest. Slower heart rate, the iron-like smell of blood that seems to linger, but he can also see she is not as...hungry as you would expect. She isn't looking for a victime as far as he can tell.
"You're afraid of what the new power means then? What it's already changed? Worried you're now not really Sylvari anymore, but someone different? That would hold you back pretty significantly, I'm going to guess you really haven't let yourself go since whatever change took hold...I can imagine being scared of having some crazy strength and accidentally hurting someone."
Gerhart pauses a moment, looking down into his ale as he idly swirls it before setting it down on the table. Despite his serious intentions, he still keeps his tone light. Far be it from him to judge someone, especially someone he barely knows, decisions are made in life and sometimes those decisions are mistakes. Everyone makes them.
"Let me know if I start going off about things that aren't true, I'm just sort of talking here and my mouth has a tendency to move before my brain~"
|
|
Fighter's Guild
IS OFFLINE
20
Renown
Crescent Isles
"I only bite if you want me to, dear"
793 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Sylvari Dawnsage on Sept 15, 2023 21:04:22 GMT -5
"No, that's... frighteningly accurate." Sylvari swallowed hard and tried not to make her instinctual glance towards Gerhart's weapons too obvious. She could see how many monsters, intelligent ones at least, could meet their end, underestimating this boy who turned out to be scarily observant.
"I started this journey because I want to help people. I won't let my weakness be the reason someone gets hurt. I'm just at a crossroads on whether I try to master this new power or restrain it up forever. The first would be preferable, but if I lose control... better a recluse than a hero who turns out to be a villain, you know?"
Sylvari smiled weakly, the pain in her heart overriding the fear she felt. This was a question at the core of her being. Whenever she had trained before, the only person she would let down was herself. Now, failing her mastery could mean consequences for those she wanted to keep safe, potentially fatal ones.
|
|
The Expedition
IS OFFLINE
33
Renown
Moonglade
an good boi
786 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Ser Gerhart Stanislav on Sept 16, 2023 9:12:36 GMT -5
"Well from the sounds of it, it's not like it's just a new spell or weapon you can choose not to use....If this new power is just a part of who you are now then bottling it up isn't going to do you any favors."
He lets out a little breath as he finishes his drink, considering his next words. Not something he often did, but it wasn't hard to see this woman was on a pretty difficult precipice.
"There are a lot of different adventurers out there who are dealing with similar things ya know....It's not impossible to do good and control whatever it is you're dealing with...I am sure it isn't easy to do, but it's possible......You won't make any progress being afraid of yourself though. Being careful not to hurt your friends is obviously a good thing, but if you're always worried about going too far, then you'll never be able to go far enough."
|
|
Fighter's Guild
IS OFFLINE
20
Renown
Crescent Isles
"I only bite if you want me to, dear"
793 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Sylvari Dawnsage on Sept 16, 2023 13:51:58 GMT -5
The look in Sylvari's eyes was the only answer Gerhart received for his question. Building up all the courage she could muster, she managed to eke out a whisper, "I'm a monster. I look around at the people here, people I'm sworn to protect, and all I can see is prey. How am I to be a hero that inspires good in others when I used to be able to sit and drink with them, but now only can barely restrain myself?"
Sylvari flashed a glint of her right fang as emphasis to her words. "My father once told me that a hero isn't defeated until she falls for the last time, but I'm so afraid. My fall won't be a solitary one, and I wonder how many would suffer from my hubris and stubbornness. It might be a kinder fate for the world if you did me in right here, monster hunter." The instinctual fear of Gerhart's profession had been banished by a more powerful one, one that resonated within the core of Sylvari's being: fear that she would become the evil she swore to destroy.
|
|
The Expedition
IS OFFLINE
33
Renown
Moonglade
an good boi
786 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Ser Gerhart Stanislav on Sept 16, 2023 23:11:46 GMT -5
Gerhart settles a moment when she calls out specifically to the set of equipment he carries, pointing out not incorrectly what he tends to do for a living. It was hard not to understand her fear, he had wooden stakes, holy water, and a fondness for garlic. After a moment of pause, he shifts to undo the bindings of the gorget that protects his neck and sets the piece of armor on the table.
"Are you actually a monster or do you just think so? You've clearly been holding yourself together so far, so you've proven you can control it. That's step one right?" He grins confidently across the table, unfazed by her revalation.
"I know at least one guy who is kinda like you and is a pretty good person. Terrible taste in men, but that's got nothing to do with his condition....or maybe it does given the, you know." Gerhart laughs as he motions to his canines, which are normal human canines, but clearly tries to make reference to vampire fans.
"Anyways...all I am saying is there are plenty of bad people who do bad things with their power sure, but there are people who use it for good. If you want to use it to protect people, then you can and you will. You just have to figure it out."
|
|
Fighter's Guild
IS OFFLINE
20
Renown
Crescent Isles
"I only bite if you want me to, dear"
793 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Sylvari Dawnsage on Sept 17, 2023 1:29:16 GMT -5
Is it really that simple? I know I intend to use whatever strength I have for others, for as long as I'm still here, but when intentions fail, it's actions that are remembered. Still, she appreciated the effort to cheer her up and especially appreciated that he didn't try to kill her on the spot.
"I guess you're right. Whether or not I am a monster categorically is academic. I will gain nothing by trying and failing to restrain this power, so I must learn to master it, for the sake of those I'm sworn to. Evil only wins when good people lay down their arms, and, at the very least, I intend to go down fighting."
Sylvari gave Gerhart a small smile. She had come here for a meal but was supplied with a bit of hope, which was the thing she craved more. She also had a plan: one that she wasn't sure of, but, if she had learned anything, it was that stagnation may as well be death. Sylvari would press forward, because it was the only thing she knew how to do.
|
|
The Expedition
IS OFFLINE
33
Renown
Moonglade
an good boi
786 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Ser Gerhart Stanislav on Sept 17, 2023 18:55:26 GMT -5
"Exactly...and believe me plenty of people are going to try and tell you that you're something they've decided, but that's never true. You're whoever you want to be, no one can make that decision for you. And if they try to, you just beat them up until they agree with you."
He grins again, leaning back again and looking behind him to the barkeep. Gerhart waves a hand to signal for food, not even having to say anything else given how familiar he is to the barkeep.
"Caede is the guys name by the way...if you ever meet him maybe see if you can learn anything. Like I said he seems like a pretty good person and I think he has the same deal you do, so he can probably offer even more advice."
The smile remains as food is brought out, a plate heaving with meat and potatoes lands on the table. The barkeep pauses to see if Sylvari would like anything as well.
"And if you're worried, my specialty is werecreatures not vampires." He grins and flashes a wink.
|
|
Fighter's Guild
IS OFFLINE
20
Renown
Crescent Isles
"I only bite if you want me to, dear"
793 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Sylvari Dawnsage on Sept 17, 2023 22:36:25 GMT -5
Sylvari couldn't help but smile at Gerhart's carefree attitude. She had been much the same, before her change forced her to become an incorrigible worrywart. "I think you may be right. In any case, I never did like people telling me what to do."
Sylvari smiled but shook her head at the barkeep's silent inquiry as to whether she would like something. She didn't want to think about eating, because that would lead to her thirst.
"Caede, huh? I'll keep that in mind. He must be upstanding sort to earn your endorsement. Though as you said, we're not your specialty. Maybe he's just pulled the wool over your eyes." Sylvari gave a light laugh at her joke and contemplated their interaction: a happenstance meeting between a monster hunter and a child of the night. Maybe the gods aren't done with me yet. I've met so many people in my travels urging me on to be something greater than I am. I had thought my blood was a curse that prevented me from my calling, but I'm beginning to see that fate chooses unlikely paths to lead us to our destination.
|
|
The Expedition
IS OFFLINE
33
Renown
Moonglade
an good boi
786 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Ser Gerhart Stanislav on Oct 8, 2023 11:56:29 GMT -5
"Maybe, but I don't think he's allowed to do anything mean to me. His boyfriend and I are best friends." He grins, completely convinced that is the relationship he shares with Zarius. The fellblood might think differently, but when has that ever stopped the ranger?
"If there's anything I've learned so far is vampires and the like aren't exactly what you learn about them...They are also people who want to live and be happy like the rest of us...some just unfortunately find their happiness in hurting others. Those are the only ones I am concerned about...same goes for people...or anything that likes hurting people I guess. Beyond that?"
Gerhart only pauses to eat for a moment. "Beyond that, what does it matter? You got fangs and don't like being in the sunlight. I swing swords around and live with a talking dog, we all have our little quirks."
|
|
Fighter's Guild
IS OFFLINE
20
Renown
Crescent Isles
"I only bite if you want me to, dear"
793 POSTS & 0 LIKES
|
Post by Sylvari Dawnsage on Oct 8, 2023 15:57:57 GMT -5
Sylvari gave a little laugh at that last statement. "Not to put too fine a point on it, darling, but I've no enmity with the sun. Small blessing, I suppose, that my affliction has various strains. I'd be a poor justiciar of the light if I could only emerge in shadow." Sylvari paused to consider his words carefully.
I'm not certain I fully believe I can be on equal moral footing as those who aren't forced to be parasites to sustain themselves, but I can at least see the wisdom in choosing my own fate rather than giving up the fight as hopeless. At the very least, if I can sustain myself with willing partners and bring more good to the world than my share of suffering, I suppose there is use for me as a justiciar yet.
"You've given me plenty to think about, dear Gerhart. I hope I can live up to the hope that you and I have for myself. I do hope, however, should I prove incapable of the task and fall to my base nature, that you will overlook your specialty and bring me to justice." There was a lightness to her tone that suggested a joke, but the hardness of her face revealed her desperation. I cannot become a mindless monster. Otherwise, everything I've done, the people whose lives were lost, were all for naught.
|
|